Spider
by GingerNut18
Summary: Who knew that being bitten by a spider could actually lead to something amazing? Well Harry didn't, not until Draco was shouting at him to hurry up and get his stupid muggle coat and marry him.


**A/N Yes I know what you are all thinking, what an amazing, well thought out title. I am actually shit with titles so "Spider" will have to do LOL. **

**This has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever written. It was written because I am sick and tired of all the spiders in my house. They are everywhere! And I am a big baby and I'm terrified of spiders, so what Harry and Draco do in this story is actually what I do half the time. Dive for the nearest bit of furniture that is high off the ground and shout for help haha. I'm sure I'm not alone with that. Also, if any of your guys are scared of spiders, how do you guys get rid of them? I'm too scared to go anywhere near them… so how do you guys get rid of them? Anyway, sorry for the babbling, and please don't take this too seriously, I know it's stupid haha. Oh, and sorry for mistakes. **

"HARRY!" Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes under his thick glasses. That was the fifth time he had heard his name being shrieked from upstairs. He had chosen to ignore it, because he was not going to go running to him whenever he called. Harry didn't know what he had done but he knew that he must be in the dog house for Draco to shout _that _much. "HARRY, PLEASE!" oh – oh, that was different. Draco sounded more frantic than angry, and when Harry thought back over the previous name shouting, he realised that Draco really did sound frantic as opposed to angry. Or maybe he was scared?

_Oh shit!_

Harry instantly propelled himself of the sofa frantically, what if something had happened to Draco and he had just sat there and ignored him? What if he was up there bleeding to death? What if someone had got past their wards (which Harry knew was impossible as they really were strong, but still, he was scared something had happened to Draco) and had tried to murder him? Well, Harry might find Draco annoying sometimes (always) but that didn't mean that he wanted him hurt, fuck no, he loved the idiot more than anything in the world.

He made it to the top of the stairs in record time and barged into their bedroom, where he hoped that Draco was, alive and perfectly fine. As soon as he was in the room, he looked around quickly, trying to work out what Draco had got himself into. He didn't even realise he had whipped out his wand and was holding it aloft ready to fire the first spell that came to mind.

"Oh, thank fuck, why have you been ignoring me you bloody idiot. Get it fucking out." Harry frowned at Draco, who had tucked his trousers into his socks and was stood on the bed looking like he was about to have an accident in his pants. For all Harry knew, he could have already had that accident.

"Get what out?" Draco lifted a shaking hand and pointed over to the corner of the room. Harry continued to frown as he followed the hand. "Oh," he said, and then swallowed hard. He slowly walked towards the bed and proceeded to climb up and cling to Draco for dear life. "I think I will just stay up here with you actually," he said as he dug his fingers into Draco's arm.

"What?! No, you will get off this bed and get it out like the man you are." Draco was the one that frowned that time. He looked at Harry strangely and Harry would be lying if he said he didn't know why. "Harry, you know how scared I am of spiders," he whispered as if it was his biggest secret.

In the corner of the room was a spider. It wasn't a particularly large spider, but it was a spider nonetheless. Harry knew that he never used to be scared of spiders, he had gone into a nest of massive spiders with Ron, but that was before the spider biting incident that he had neglected to tell Draco about.

"Yes, I know. I'm just up here too because I'm trying to comfort you while I try and figure out the best way to get the spider out, see?" Just to make it look more convincing, he started to rub Draco's arm affectionately, hoping it was coming across as comforting. Draco's frown just deepened.

"What are you not telling – oh my god! Is it a poisonous spider? Did you let a poisonous spider into our house Harry?"

"What? No, no! It is just a normal house spider." He patted Draco's arm and then turned his attention to the disgusting creature in the corner of the room.

"Fuck, Harry it's moving! HARRY!" Draco jumped two feet in the air and leaped further back on the bed, dragging Harry with him. "Why are you not doing anything?" Draco shrieked. It was quite understandable really; Harry was the one who always got the spiders out no matter what. He knew that Draco had a massive fear of spiders and so he was only happy to help him out and get rid of the spiders. He didn't have a fear of them. Well, that was until now. He would never forgive Hagrid for making him hold that spider a month ago. It had now made him frightened of spiders and having two people who are hugely afraid of spiders living in one household alone was not good. They had been lucky and had not seen a spider in the house since the spider biting incident.

"Okay, calm down. We need to think rationally about this." He held up his wand and cast _wingardium leviosa_ on the spider, lifting it in the air. He let out a cry of triumph and turned to Draco. "Right, go over to the window and open it for me."

Draco looked horrified and stared at Harry for a good two minutes before he seemed to snap out of it. "WHAT? No, I am not moving off this bed. You usually do it all. Why are you acting strange? You usually levitate it _and _open the window."

"Yes, and now I'm just asking you nicely to open the window that just happens to be right next to where I am levitating the spider." He moved his wand slightly and the spider moved away from the window a tiny bit. He looked hopefully at Draco. "What about now? Will you go and open it now?"

"No." Draco shook his head as if he couldn't believe what Harry was doing, which Harry supposed was acceptable considering it was a bit cruel to make him go near the spider when he was so frightened. He must have thought that Harry was horrible to make him do something like that when Harry was supposedly not scared of spiders and could easily do it.

"Please," Harry pleaded. He realised that he was shaking too now. He knew he was pathetic for being scared of a spider, but it really wasn't his fault. He had spent two days at St. Mungo's after that spider bite and he was terrified after that. He obviously didn't want to tell Draco because he didn't want to make the poor man any more frightened of spiders than he already was.

Draco must have seen something in his face because he nodded and took a deep breath. He went to get off the bed and then jumped back again. "Harry I can't, I just can't do it!"

"Okay," Harry said as he took a deep breath like Draco had done. He kept his wand hand steady as he moved from his standing position on the bed and jumped down onto the floor. He moved on shaky legs to the window, giving the spider a wide berth. He wrenched open the window and then stepped away as far as he could. He moved his wand and levitated the spider out the window. Once it was far enough out of the window, he walked towards it and looked down to the floor where he was sending the spider. He set it down on the floor and then proceeded to frantically slam the window shut.

He turned around to see that Draco was glaring at him. He stepped of the bed clearly trying to do it as gracefully as he could. He brushed down his shirt, straightening it out. "Well, you made quite a show of that I must say," he sniffed, turning his nose up in the air, turning back into his usually snotty self now that the imposing danger had passed. "And can I ask, why exactly, you decided to be such an arsehole about it? Decided to take the piss did you? Oh, Draco is so frightened of a little spider; let's ask him to go _near _it. Well good fucking joke Potter, have fun sleeping on the floor!" He would never threaten Harry to sleep on the couch like any normal person, Harry realised that after their first fight. He always made him sleep on the floor _next _to the bed because even though Harry knew he would never admit it, Draco clearly did not like sleeping without Harry. Even him being on the floor would result in Draco dragging him back into the bed while muttering 'not a word'.

"I promise you I was not taking the piss." He said sincerely. He didn't want Draco thinking he was being insensitive about his phobia. Many people took the piss out of it and Draco, being the idiot that he is, thought it made him less of a man and would always get defensive about it.

"Yes you fucking well were." He crossed his arms across his chest and held his head high. "And I don't appreciate it. You are usually so understanding about it, getting the spider out with merely an eye roll, and yet this time you basically made a song and dance out of it!" with that, he swept out of the room and Harry sat himself down on the bed, knowing he was in for a nice sleep on the wooden floor.

oOo

Harry stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. He was laying on a blanket that was not doing anything for his back, and he wondered how long it would be until Draco caved and let him back in bed. He heard movement in the bed next to him and a hand appeared in front of his face. Harry took the offered hand and Draco tugged him up. Harry just sighed and got back into bed next to Draco. They laid next to each other on their backs, staring at the ceiling.

"I might have slightly overreacted," Draco said after a while. "Sorry."

Harry just smiled and closed his eyes.

oOo

"God, I tell you what, I was only on that floor for a total of an hour at the most, and it's really done my back in," Harry said the next day as he plonked down on the sofa next to Draco. Hermione was sat in the arm chair next to them, shaking her head with a fond smile that Harry liked to see when she looked at them. "You would think after fourteen years of being downgraded to the floor after fights, I would get used to it."

"I think it has more to do with your age than anything," Draco said. "And it has not been fourteen years, don't exaggerate." Draco rolled his eyes and Harry glared.

"It has actually. We got together when we were twenty, how old are we now?"

"Thirty-four… oh, oh yes it has been fourteen years, I do apologise." Harry just shook his head with a disbelieving stare. Bloody git.

"So, what did you do this time then?" Hermione asked as she sipped her tea with a small grin. Harry did not care to see _that _look on her face when she looked at them.

"Harry went really weird when there was a spider in the room and asked me to go near it when he knows how scared I am of them. I just thought that was a bit out of order, that's all." He paused and then glared at Harry. "Hey, where is _my_ tea?" Harry suddenly went tense and hoped to god that Hermione didn't say something stupid. He hadn't actually asked her _not_ to say anything to Draco about the spider biting incident; he never once thought that the subject would come up. Now he was shitting himself.

"Well, it's understandable that Harry would get a bit weird around spiders Draco." she frowned over the top of her mug at Draco. "It's a bit insensitive to assume he wouldn't." Harry could have pushed her through the Floo at that moment in time and not even feel a tad bit guilty. Oh fucking hell.

"What?" Draco looked completely confused therefore making Hermione confused.

"You know, the whole spider biting thing, where he had to go to St. Mungo's for two days because of it. Remember?" Hermione said. She then frowned at Harry, who was shaking his hands about violently trying to get her attention to fucking shut the hell up. "You didn't tell him did you?"

"What is she going on about? You haven't ever been bitten by a spider, I think I would know if you spent two days in St. Mungo's." he snorted at that and Harry felt a stab of guilt wash over him.

Harry cleared his throat. "Let me just get you that tea," he said as he patted Draco on the knee and stood up, ready to make a quick getaway. He didn't get far as Draco grabbed his arm and yanked him back down.

"Spider bite huh? That seems like something your partner would want to know, so I know that that isn't true, because you would tell me wouldn't you? Especially if you spent _two days _at St. Mungo's because of it."

Hermione put her cup on the table and rose from the chair she was seated in. "Well," she said loudly. "I'm just going to head back now." She said as she backed towards the Floo, disappearing in the flames a few seconds later.

"Okay, so here is the thing, there was this _one _time I got bitten by a spider Hagrid had, but it was nothing serious." He tried to look Draco in the eye, but every time he tried, his eyes slid away in a guilty motion.

"Nothing serious?" Draco bit out. "You were apparently at St. Mungo's for two days and you didn't think to tell me you idiot? Where was I?"

Harry sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You were home. I told you I was staying with Hermione to look after the kids because both she and Ron were ill."

Draco stared wide eyed at Harry and once again he felt a stab of guilt. He honestly did mean to tell him about the spider bite at one point, but he didn't really see why it was so necessary. He was fine and nothing had happened, so why make Draco's phobia worse. "You are a fucking idiot. You could have been _dying_ –" Draco's voice cracked a bit "– and I wouldn't have even known!"

"Well, dying is exaggerating a tad. I wouldn't have died. I was with Hagrid and he would have got me to St. Mungo's in time. And that is exactly what he did. Once I was there and had been helped out, I sent you an owl stating I was at Hermione's and everyone is happy. You didn't worry and I didn't have to put up with you at St. Mungo's constantly nagging – uhh I didn't mean that. I meant you didn't have to hang around being _concerned, _yes, that is the correct word to use. Not nagging. Obviously not nagging. Would you like that tea now? I think you do."

Harry went to get up but the look of pure devastation on Draco's face made him freeze.

"I can't believe it." He mumbled as he started to nervously bite his fingernail. "Right!" He said as he propelled himself of the sofa smacking his thighs as he went. "Get my cloak, not the blasted _red _one that you brought me. Looks like a Gryffindor chucked up all over it. The blue one. I'm going to give Hagrid a piece of my mind." Harry rolled his eyes at him as he started looking around for his cloak mumbling under his breath. "Fucking Hagrid… Fucking Harry… Trying to kill my…do they _realise _I have a weak heart…HARRY WHERE IS MY FUCKING CLOAK?" Draco looked like he was about to blow.

"I don't know," he said as he leant forward and picked up the newspaper, flicking through it absently. He was used to this sort of outburst and learned to just let it run is course. If that meant Hagrid had to have his ear bit of then Harry wasn't going to stop him.

"_You don't know,"_ Draco bit out through clenched teeth. "You don't know an awful lot do you? Like _when _to tell your partner _vital information!_" He looked around the room and finally spotted his cloak huddled in a corner. He went and retrieved it and put it on quickly. "Get your stupid muggle coat and get off your good for nothing arse. Once we have been and seen Hagrid, we are stopping off at the ministry and getting married, now start moving." That got Harry's attention. He froze in the middle of turning a page and stared up at Draco.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you heard, would you like a helping _foot up your backside?_"

Harry let out a burst of laughter and shook his head fondly. "Oh Draco, very funny. As if you actually want to get married." He let out another snort and flicked the page over quickly with another shake of his head.

"Oh, you think it's funny do you? Don't want to marry the likes of me? Clearly not if you never tell me anything. What am I to you, _Potter?_"

Harry sighed and put his newspaper back on the coffee table. "If you were being serious then I would go get my coat right now and marry you within seconds. But you are not. You are just upset."

Draco clenched his fist. "Upset? I'm not upset and I'm being perfectly serious. If we were married then St Mungo's would have contacted me the minute you walked through the door. Unless you told them otherwise and I don't think, somehow, that that would have been the first thing to come out of your mouth when you were most likely in _pain _from a spider bite. So get your god damn coat."

Harry looked at Draco; he really _looked _at him for a good five seconds. "You want to marry me? Do you _really _want to marry me Draco? Because I will, a hundred times over, but not if it's because you are just angry and you will regret it later on and end up leaving me."

"Of course I'm bloody angry! But I want to marry you anyway you idiot, not that it really makes a difference to me; it's just a bit of paper. But I know for a fact you will get your sorry little arse in trouble again and you won't even –" he broke off and closed his eyes, scrunching his hands up tighter. "You won't even think to tell me. So you are marrying me today, and that's that." He opened his eyes and looked a hundred times more determined.

"Well, that's me told. This isn't very romantic though is it?"

"What did you want? A public proposal? Alright then, get up." Draco grabbed a laughing Harry but the wrist and pulled him the front door. He pulled him all the way out to the middle of the street, only half noticing Hermione as she squeaked from her position by the window, where she had been trampling on all Harry's flower beds, peeping through the living room window.

"Right, here we are then," said Draco as he positioned Harry in the middle of the road by pushing him around with his hands on his shoulder. "You are marrying me," he said as he looked Harry dead in the eye. Harry was in so much shock that he just nodded and looked around at all the people staring. God, he was embarrassed. "There, done. And in public too. So let's get going." Draco nodded to Hermione in passing as they walked back in the house. "I'm too bloody nervous to go to Hargid now; we are going straight to the ministry."

Harry looked at Hermione – who had followed them into the house looking just as shocked – with wide eyes. "Okay," he said as he took his coat from Draco.

oOo

The next day, Harry stood at the kitchen sink staring out the window with a cup of tea in hand. He didn't feel any different now that he was married. In fact, they got married, went home and basically said no more about it. Harry smiled into his cup of tea and nearly spat it all out and the little snort he gave. Him, married to bloody Draco. He didn't ever see that coming.

"HARRY! Fuck – OW – bloody hell… HARRY!" Harry sighed heavily and placed his cup of tea on the kitchen counter. He walked into the living room and saw Draco standing up on the sofa, holding his toe that he obviously stubbed in the haste to get up on the sofa. "Quick, a spider just ran out from under the coffee table and is behind that plant pot." He took his eyes away from the plant pot and quickly looked at Harry. "Well hurry up, before it moves!"

"I don't think so. I got the last one. _You _can get this one."

Harry laughed as Draco's mouth worked open and shut many times. He found himself walking back into the kitchen, picking up his mug of tea and smiling again. He could hear Draco cursing in the other room, clearly doing absolutely nothing about the spider.

He saw something move in the doorway out of the corner of his eye. When he turned to look, he let out a cry of distress and practically jumped for the kitchen counter. He stood on top of it, crouched down with wet trousers from where he had spilt his drink. The spider was bloody huge. It was jet black and it had disgusting hairy legs spouting out from its massive body.

One of Draco's smart shoes went tumbling through the air and landed right next to the spider, spooking it and making it run around the kitchen.

"DRACO! That is _not_ getting it! In what world is that dealing with the spider?"

"Well, what do you expect me to do when I'm camping out on top of the sofa?" He shouted back. "I only have one shoe left Harry!"

"I am not getting this one Draco; I don't even care if I have to sit up here all night! Out of principle, you are the one who has to get this one!" He let out a shout of pain as the other shoe came out of nowhere and landed right on top of his head. "That was so out it's not even funny! That was my head!"

"Who said I was aiming for the spider?" Harry could hear Draco laughing loudly and was tempted to throw his own shoe back, but he didn't want to waste the shoes in case he needed them for self-defence if the spider decided to start scaling the cupboards. Draco soon started singing away to himself, and Harry leant forward on the counter to see through the open door way. Draco was still stood on top of the sofa. When he saw Harry, he gave a little wave and raised his eye brows. "Want to join in and sing along? We might be here for a while."

Harry and Draco sat in their hiding places for a whole hour, singing away, before Lucius Malfoy came through the Floo and looked at them both with disgust.

"Son, you are lucky Potter defeated The Dark Lord, you would not have lasted five minutes. Now where the hell is this spi – Good lord! Look at the size of that! See you later boys!" He practically flew for the Floo and Harry swore at him as he left.

"Thanks for the help you arsehole!"

Draco just looked at Harry, took a deep breath and: "We must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon," he bellowed.

"Draco, there is a time and a place for singing songs from Mulan, and it's not now while we are hiding away like scared little boys."

It took another half an hour before Mrs Weasley came through the Floo, carrying a large dish of shepherd's pie. "What on earth are you doing up there, Draco?" she frowned and then looked towards the kitchen, where Harry was clearly visible through the open door. "What on earth is going on?" She walked towards the kitchen and saw the large spider in the middle of the room. "Oh, not to worry dears, I will get rid of it for you." With a flick of her wand, the spider disappeared. "Why on earth didn't you use a vanishing charm boys?"

Harry and Draco looked at each other and groaned. "Yeah, why didn't we?" they muttered as they moved from the sofa and the kitchen counter, stiff as a plank of wood.

Molly Weasley left with a chuckle, after leaving the pie on the counter Harry has been crouched on.

That night, when Harry and Draco had just got into bed, ready to sleep the night away, Harry shuffled closer to Draco and whispered: "Guess what?"

Draco turned his head to the side and smiled. "What?" he whispered back.

"Because Molly got rid of the spider, it is still your turn to get rid of the next one!" He beamed at Draco, and hardly noticed the freezing cold feet that were making their way towards Harry.

"See you on the other side, Harry," he grinned as he gave a swift kick and Harry let out a squawk as he ended up in a heap on the floor.

"That wasn't funny," he hissed as he stared up at the ceiling. "I'm getting old and one of these days that is going to kill me, and then what will you do?"

Draco's head popped over the edge of the bed and he looked at Harry seriously, "Probably join you the next day," he whispered. Harry could clearly see the distressed look in Draco's eyes as he climbed back into bed. "Because, who else will get rid of all the spiders for me?" Okay, and here went the distress and was replaced by a gleam.

"Every god damn moment we have you just have to ruin," he mumbled as he reached out blindly for his stupid husband.

_Fin _


End file.
